Clubbing vs. Indiana Jones

This last Thursday, I went to a Lunar New Year clubbing event* and I couldn't help but compare clubbing to what Indiana Jones had to go through in his movies. The thought hit me as I attempted to maneuver through the fire-hazardous over-packed venue of a gazillion Asians (not exaggerating), 3 white men (none of whom even came close to Harrison Ford), and 1 suited up Indian (who told me he thought UCI girls were the most beautiful.. yea ok nice try). For those of you who don't know who Indiana Jones is, you've been missing out on this piece of hunk:

For those of you who haven't gone clubbing before, let me break down the experience for you:


Having to squeeze past couples having the sexytime right then and there:
Having to wait for the opportune moment when the guy/girl swings a certain way, opening a passageway for me to jump through, reminded me of all the times Indy has to jump through and avoid shit (I'm not even going to try to pinpoint the thousand times he has to do it in his movies). Although it's not as bad as running away from a giant boulder, it's still pretty annoying especially if your jump was ill-timed and you get stuck in a 2 second threesome and then having to apologize to the guy for your unintentional cock-blocking..

Being asked (aka bothered) to do da dancing:
It's one of the most annoying things to me when I'm just having fun with my girls, and then suddenly, a hot (the temperature definition) and sweaty body pressed against my back and  a pair of man-hands on my hips appears. And when the arrogant "I'm doing you a favor by letting you dance with me" gorilla of a douchebag came along, I felt like Willie when she gets captured by the bad guys in the "Temple of Doom". Even though my situation didn't involved my heart almost getting ripped out by some crazy priest with red hair, it's still irritating. I know, it's not fair for me to complain about this when I'm at a straight club and guyz jez lookin' fo sum a$$ ok?!, but no me gustas regardless.


Getting pushed and suffocated by the never-ending lines of girls linked together holding hands:
Okay, I'm not sure if this was a specific scene in Indiana Jones, but this reminded me of all the giant snakes, thick vines, and other lengthy ropey impeding objects that appeared in the movies. You'd think the line of bodies would end, but nope! out pops another girl and then another one and then another one.. I admit, I'm guilty of this as well, but at least I apologize to everyone I accidentally push or step on during my journey across the dance floor.


Getting splashed in the face by the sweat of the person next to you (or you can lie to yourself and think that it came from the AC system above):
Although I'm not sure how Indiana Jones has to do with it besides the fact that he gets pretty damn sweaty in his movies, it's all too disgustingly true..


Being offered drinks by complete strangers:
It always baffles me when girls just blindly accept drinks from randos; I mean come on, we're at a club, people, so don't get pissed shit goes down. Just like we all learned back in middle school, "If it's wet and it's not yours, don't touch it." (Indy reference: when he used his ninja instincts to pick out the Holy Grail in the "Last Crusade")


After typing this post, I now have a very strong desire to stick to gay clubbing from now on and to re-watch Indiana Jones beast m0de for 6 hours straight. For those who have yet to pop their clubbing cherries (got that from Ashlie Chean lol), I hope you gained some knowledge from this, and if you feel some pre-clubbing training is necessary, you're welcome to join me in my Indy marathon :)


Until next time,
Lils


*I find it amazing how promoters are able to take century-old traditional festivities and compact it into some spiel about "Girls dress sexy in red, and Guys prepare your dragons" or something like that. (that was my first and last attempt at marketing, I promise)